Totally feeling like crap

Barely got any sleep the whole night.  Was tossing and turning in bed the whole night.  Guess it is either my problems that was causing me another sleepless night or just in a new environment.  But then I travel and have been in other hotels, so guess really the problem is this.

She called to find out how I was this afternoon.  But I was terse and straight to the point.  I would be seeking to divorce her.  She asked me to take down the blog as she feels really ashamed about it.  But I told her I would think about it.  She told me that she would sign the divorce paperwork and said that she would not seek any alimony from me.  She again begged that I do not blow it up.  To be honest, I am thinking what my options are.

Right now, I am just like a zombie.  I have been betrayed by someone who I thought would be there by my side when I was in my 60s and 70s.  Someone who would I thought would be there when I was old and senile.  But guess what, I have been hoodwinked.  I miss my little gal.  But then again, she was not mine to begin with.  Only a father can love so deep.  She may not be mine, but she will always be special to me.  I guess only Fathers would understand what I am going through right now.

I read all the comments on the blog and to be honest, I wish I had the time to reply or comment.  But I do like to thank everyone who has shown concern to me.  I really appreciate it.  It is hard going through this alone really and sometimes some of the things said have been very touching and offers of help or to listen to me are greatly appreciated.  It shows that Singaporeans do care and it also shows that a majority of people do have morals still.  

 

Confrontation

I just arrived back in Singapore this morning.  She came and picked me up.  While we were in the car, she told me that she knew that I was tracking her.  Apparently, a few people reading my blog called the person and the bastard told the bitch!

Anyway, we drove to the nearby park to talk.  She told me she knew she was totally wrong and that she should not have lied to me.  She begged for my forgiveness and told me the truth about what I already knew.  She begged me not to spill the beans on the guy as he was already married and in the civil service and could lead to a lot of trouble for him, while at the same time begging me not to tell on her.  She cried her heart out.

I was really torn.  During this trip overseas, I had the opportunity to chill out and think things through and really, I feel that the other guy is a bastard.  I already know who he is.  And seriously, if I blow this matter up, it would really hurt him a lot just as much as she would also get it.  I really felt like tearing them apart with my own two hands.  She told me she would not ask for anything because she knew she was in the wrong and she knows that I have the proof to back it up that she has been hoodwinking me all this time.  She would not ask for a single penny; not that that matters.

We ended up arguing.  Seriously, how can a woman who has pledged to love you and take care of you ever do something like that to another.  Being cuckloid is one thing but to be lied to time and again.  Anyway, went home.  I saw my daughter and just hugged her for the longest time.  If anyone out there is a dad, you will understand that a child is innocent.  I really would like to publize this whole event but the only thing stopping me is seeing my daughter.  I would give anything to make her happy.  I know some people think it is a dumb thing to do.  But the child is really innocent and if there was no children involved, I am sure you would be reading this in the New Paper shortly about the next sex scandal in Singapore.

I was schoolmates with Michael Palmer and knew who he was.  The prefect, the goody two shoes etc.  When the sex scandal of his came out, I did not give it too much thoughts.  But right now, I think I understand how his child must have felt when his dad got into the limelight.  I guess I don’t want this child to go through the same emotional scars.

I packed up my bags and now am living in a hotel with just my suitcases for tonight.  I guess I will be seeking legal representation shortly to get things sorted out.

I am so emotionally drained.  This past few weeks have been hell and I really do not wish this on anyone.  I have done my duty as a husband and father.  Now I just hope that God will give me the strength to carry on.

What the Fuck

I am in the office, hating the fact that I have to return home sooner or later to see that slut.

I just threw the photos on my desk of my supposedly family into the dustbin.  I wonder how others would feel if they were cheated on?  I think many say that their Significant Other would not.  But if they did?  Would their world be torn apart like mine is currently being torn apart?

The fact remains that I would have to face this sooner or later.  The fact is I will either have to chose to move on or chose to give her another chance.  But I think the former is definitely the thing to do.  Why would you give another person a chance to hurt you when they have already hurt you before by their actions?

I have gone through frustrations, gone through pain, gone through denial and even gone through hell if you wish to put it. 

This is a true life story.  I know there will be people who don’t understand how I feel and it really does not matter.  You don’t have to believe anything I write.  But when you have been cheated on, you will definitely remember the pain and the sorrow.  My pain and sorrow is that my wife cheated on me.  To add to it all, I now have to think about my daughter.  I am sure there will be people who say but she is not your daughter.  When you have spent so many nights thinking she is, it makes you believe that the girl is yours.  I am not scared of being divorced but what happens if I really blow this issue up?

 

 

What would you do…

I am still very much upset with her.  I don’t even know what to do anymore.

I went home last night and she was there playing with my little girl.  I wanted so badly to sit down and talk to her.  But I know that there is no turning back anymore.  Something will definitely give way sooner or later.

I still very much want to punish this woman.  But at the same time, I cannot bear to hurt an innocent child.  Because by publishing who this woman is, it will definitely affect the child badly.  More so when this woman is a high flyer.  I really cannot understand women anymore.  They think it is cool to have affairs?

I mean, when men have needs, it is totally understandable.  But when women have needs, the consequences are different.  It can destroy a family.  I hate her with all my heart.  Seriously, I wish I could take her heart out right now.

I just heard her talking to the other guy

I am super pissed.  I called her phone.  By using the auto answer feature, I just heard her talking with the other guy.  Looks like they were in some kind of quiet area.  Could be a room or a car.  I am super pissed.  I am thinking of getting a PI to take photos and see if that is enough grounds to show that she has committed adultery.